What Might Have Been
by Dairi
Summary: Tony notices Steve is having trouble moving on and tries to help. Without telling Steve anything about it. (Avengers Companion-ish piece to my No Surprise story; first chapter has Peggy in it.)
1. Chapter 1

Okay, so I will get back to my Whose Avenger story soon...but my muse kind of kidnapped me and made me write this. I am in more of a sad mood I suppose, so yeah...this wasn't even the original angst-y Steve story I'd been thinking of. I may still write that one eventually, too, but in the meantime this one snuck up on me.

Oh, and I should warn you. This is by no means a happy story! If you are not in the current mood to be reading something sad, I highly suggest giving this a pass over for now, read something else, and hopefully come back later. This does not have a happy ending!

Maybe I should write another chapter though, been thinking about it, to...leave it on a somewhat happier note. We shall see.

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing.

* * *

"Are you sure this is such a good idea?" Natasha whispered, one hand loosely gripping the elbow of her other arm. as she blankly stared ahead. Her gaze was aimed directly upon a certain super-soldier, whom was presently sitting in profile on a bed in the infirmary. The three were watching him from behind a glass pane. Clint, standing next to Natasha with his arms folded but attentions directed much the same, chose to throw in his two cents as well.

"Yeah, I mean...aren't we basically lying to him here? What'll he say when he finds out?"

"He won't," The third person, Tony, said cockily as he turned to stalk away. "Say anything, that is - he'll be too busy weeping." Then he turned and extended a hand, which happened to hold his sun glasses, motioning towards the two assassins. "This is for his own good - now make sure he gets on that jet; I've got a suit to change into..."

The two black-clad agents fell silent for a moment, sharing an uneasy side-glance. Finally, Clint sighed and spoke up.

"He does realize Rogers will eventually figure all this out and return to skin our hides?"

Natasha paused, then inclined her head a little as, still staring straight ahead, she said, "Maybe it'll take him a bit longer than normal to trace everything back due to the severe concussion he got this morning. Give us enough time to go into hiding." Clint finally turned his head to stare at Natasha, who only rose an eyebrow in response.

"Come on," she continued, stepping forward. "Let's get this over with."

"Still dunno why we just can't tell him..." Clint muttered as he followed Natasha.

-Line-here-move-along-

Tony had a plan.

Granted, his plans did not always turn out how he had foreseen them to. On the rare occasion, (Pepper would no doubt edit this to say, 'not-so-rare') ... okay so maybe, yes, sometimes his plans would blow up in his face in one horrendous, ugly, hugely explosive fireball.

He was really, truly hoping this would not be one of them.

Tony liked to help people - really he did. That's what the 'philanthropist' part was about after all, wasn't it? He just...sometimes had a strange way of showing it. Like not telling people about things, very important aspects of whatever his idea was, and then just very suddenly dumping it upon them. This was one of those times. 'Mr. Rogers' had been moping about in his existence ever since he'd woken up in this century. The guy needed some cheering up, or...at least, a little closure, perhaps. Tony had seen the need and was here to fill it. The guy clearly wasn't gonna do it for himself, so what was he supposed to do?

Their Captain was under the impression that there was some sudden affair of international importance requiring the Avengers assistance in the UK.

Everyone else knew better.

There were actually only five of them today, as Thor could not be called away from his duties to support his earthly brethren-in-arms. Fortunately, they did have Bruce on-hand in the event that, once Cap caught wind of what was going on and who was behind it, Steve just may try to kill and/or maim Tony. If that event did come to pass, Natasha and Clint would probably be sitting on the sidelines sharing a bag of popcorn and alternatively egging each one on.

Right now though, everyone was remaining silent. Tony was engrossed in his phone, occasionally glancing over at Cap, probably somewhat subconsciously fearful of his becoming the wiser a little too early. As it was, he need not fear, Steve was sound asleep where he sat, still strapped into his chair.

"He's gonna kill you, you know." Clint spoke up quietly, from the other side of the aircraft. "For not giving him any warning."

Tony's response was a simple one-shoulder shrug. Was it his fault the man was so slow in dealing with his own problems that his friends were forced to step in help? Tony didn't think so.

"It's time for him to stop the one-man pity part, I mean really..." Tony sighed and shook his head, his reply having been equal in volume to that of Clint's. Sleeping or no, the man they were speaking of did still have exceptional hearing.

"At least his concussion ought to be pretty well healed by the time we land." Natasha spoke up from her position a few seats up, idly glancing up from her book.

"Do you seriously want a Nook, Kindlefire or /something/? I could build you one..." Tony quipped, looking over at Natasha holding her in-the-flesh book, and rolled his shoulders. Natasha glanced at him, sending off one of her super-scary looks that at once made him shut up and go back to his own Starkphone.

-Line-here-move-along-

Steve had seen pictures and video many times over of this modern century and much of the wonders it had to offer, so it didn't really surprise him once he stepped off the quintjet to see how much things had changed. No, the technology used world-wide today, while often still somewhat over his head, did not surprise him anymore. He was more excited than anything to learn about the bounds and leaps that had been crossed while he'd been asleep. The thing that confused him the most, though? That was the people.

It seemed like to him, the world as a whole had gotten colder. Very few people had heart anymore; less and less people actually bothered to take time to help others or try and figure out their problems by reason and logic instead of guns and violence. It was sickening and disheartening, and - oh! The way people thought today, he just simply could not understand. It made him feel isolated at times, even among his own team, all the more noticable whenever they found themselves with some downtime. It made him miss the old days, and just how easy it had been for him to fall into Bucky's companionship, or any of the Howling Commandos, really. He'd like to think he'd even understood Peggy at least some what - very slightly - better than he understood the thinking and values of the people on his current team. Which, really was a problem because...they were his team now.

He knew Peggy was still alive, had even almost called her up once. Something had stopped him, though...he just, he wasn't ready. He could still picture her in his mind's eye, young and vibrant and full of life, ready with some little teasing quip to throw at him. Strange as it may be, he was terrified to see what she might look like now. Frail, sickly, perhaps barely able to stand. He really wasn't sure if he could stomach seeing her now, selfish as that may be. Part of him did yearn to see her, just to be able to talk with her one last time. However, that other part, the secret coward within him, was fixed in a war with the other. So he was kind of at a stalemate here.

Steve had been glad actually for the change in priorities he'd been given when everything with Loki came up. He didn't really have time to think about his own situation for some time after that all started. Downtime, though, whenever things were quiet...now that, he didn't particularly enjoy.

Back to the present, anyway. Right now was one of those times he didn't really understand his teammates - Tony had dragged them over the pond, for what purpose? He did not see any aliens attacking, there were no buildings being destroyed by enormous robots, no evil armies running amok...where was the problem?

"What's going on here?" Steve asked, finally turning to stare at his teammates. And only then realized that they had all been staring at him. "What's the situation?" Steve questioned again, finally getting the feeling there was something here he was missing, something big. He shifted a little and narrowed his eyes at Tony, knowing this must be something to do with him. Always was.

"Okay, so here is the situation..." Tony spoke up, holding his helmet in one hand as he stepped forward. "...there is no situation, at least no attacks or evil crazy people we need to save the UK from. But," Tony was now standing before Cap, one metal gauntlet resting on his shoulder as he spoke. "There was some Minister guy or something, one of the big-wigs here, that wanted to talk to us - to you, as, y'know, the Captain and all that..."

"The Prime Minister? Tony..." Steve started to speak up, one eyebrow raised, but Tony cut him off.

"Okay, so maybe not that guy, exactly - but someone just as important. And they did want to interview you, face-to-face. So just, go?" Tony asked weakly, lifting his hand and making a shooing motion. Steve pursed his lips and stared hard at Tony for a moment, but when no further answers were revealed, he sighed and turned away. He'd gone to head into the military HQ that they'd landed at, and see what was what.

"I'll go get her." Natasha said quietly, heading into the building after Steve.

-Line-here-move-along-

"...He does not know I am here?" The woman standing next to Natasha asked, her voice tight but thick. Natasha nodded.

"For some reason, Tony thought it best...to surprise him, I guess." A pause. "I could go in first to-"

"No. It is better this way, he deserves a shock, after not contacting me for so long after his waking up." The woman now sounding a little cross, a blaze alighting deep in her eyes. "I may be old, but I am no invalid. I won't need help." She straightened herself up a little, and then, head held high, took a step forward.

-Line-here-move-along-

Steve was told to wait in Room Two, and who ever it was would be with him shortly. The room wasn't all that big, just had one long table with four chairs around it, two on either side, facing each other. It looked more like an interrogation room than anything. He half expected Tony to barge in after him, but he was mercifully left to his own devices for this meeting. Whenever it would be starting. He didn't have to wait long, hardly ten seconds after he'd formulated that thought had the door opened.

Someone stepped forward, a slender elderly woman dressed in neat and tidy old-fashion British military garb, and though her hair was now gray and tucked back in a tight bun, there was no mistaking that look in her eyes. Steve's mouth hung open and for a moment they just stared at each other. Discreetly, the door was pulled shut behind them by Natasha.

"You're late." The woman said as Steve started to stand, her voice changed ever so slightly with age yet still held that sharp edge to it. Steve stood there another moment, the reality of all the time and the life he could've spent with this woman, gone. And then he realized - she was the one that had wanted to talk to him. That thought, and how he'd been kinda rather selfish this whole time, hit him like a brick. He was suddenly finding it very difficult to breathe...

"I.." he started, very softly and then had to clear his throat as he took a step forward, "I couldn't call my ride." He finally got out, taking another step forward. His eyes were deep and dark, reflecting these pained emotions he'd been holding close to his chest ever since he'd woken up and realized what year it was. He'd never really allowed himself the time and energy to dwell on it, until...well, until now.

'Til a certain billionaire had forcibly slapped him in the face with it. Oh, yes, he was gonna kill Tony...limb by limb, then feed what was left to Pepper, whom he was certain wouldn't have taken part in this.

Right now, though, he had a silently quivering elderly Peggy Carter standing before him, and all at once they carefully but tightly wrapped each other up in an embrace. Peggy allowed a few tears to fall - she had had time to sort this all out, absorb it all, but seeing him again, in the flesh, looking exactly as the day he'd left all those -almost seventy- years ago had just about done her in. Steve, however, was a different matter...seeing her again had caused the wall he'd carefully constructed around his emotions to shatter. And if they did not get Steve seated right this moment, they may both topple to the floor.

"Ah, Steve, darling, you need to sit.." She spoke up, and wrinkled her nose as she artfully guided Steve over to sit in a chair without his having truly realized until she was trying to let go. She was grinning at him as she said, "Some time may have gone by, but I am not a complete invalid yet. I can still do anything you can, probably better." She said, a glint in her eyes as she tried to lighten the mood. It didn't really work.

Instead of allowing her to step back, Steve had somehow managed to pull her down into his lap. He'd blushed as soon as he realized what he'd done, but as she was making no move to escape and instead closing her eyes as she rested her head on his chest, he figured it was okay. He tried to get a hold of himself, but then she suddenly looked up at him with her large amber eyes and he almost lost it once again.

"It's okay," she soothed, smiling ever so slightly, sadly. "I've had a lot more time to sort through this than you have."

"I just...I can't believe..." He couldn't even formulate words right now. She smiled sadly once again and then he really did lose it, crying into her hair as she rubbed circles across his back.

It was unfair! They'd missed so much together, a life they could've had...will never be able to have. How could he ever face her again? He'd messed things up, for both of them...but, it had been a necessary evil, right? He'd had to do it, to save everyone else, even if it would result in his own life being permanently messed up.

"Steve..." Peggy distracted him by placing her hand upon his cheek, and was forced to meet her eyes. "...honey, I know there is so much we've missed out on, so much time that's gone. Much as we try, much as we'd wish, and hope...we cannot go back. Steve," Peggy said softly, her voice quivering now once again, "I've lived my life. Now, it's time for you to go on and live your own." She ended quietly, kissing him on the forehead. His tears fell unbidden now as he held her tightly but gently, and slowly he nodded his head. He didn't want to, but he knew she was right... His watery gaze finally met hers, and then they both shared an equal smile.

"You can do it; don't forget - you are, 'a good man.'" Were her last words to him, as she tapped him on the chest, and then closed her eyes as she leaned against him once more. Briefly he wondered how she'd known what Erskine had said to him all those (not so long for him) years ago...

...And then, he realized what he had just lost. And broke down once more.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing.

So I decided to make this a two-shot. Intended to end on a happier note, which I promise, it will! ... Eventually. Keep reading, it does get happier! (I hope.) With a heavy helping of some bro-mance type stuff.

Enjoy!

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"Okay, so I hadn't exactly been expecting that..." Tony quietly spoke up, now in regular street clothes. He and the others had gathered outside of Room Two, the room in which Steve still sat. Speaking of whom, Steve was leaning forward, hands laced together and barely brushing against his forehead, but had not spoken a word to anyone since...well, since Peggy Carter had died in his arms. She had since been taken away by someone, he wasn't sure who but Bruce had assured him it had been someone official who knew what they were doing. So he'd let her go, for the final time.

Physically, anyway.

Emotionally? He would liken his present state to that of a canoe being dropped smack into the middle of the ocean during the worst hurricane of the century.

At least he was pretty much being left alone. If he had to hear another one of Stark's wise cracks, just this moment? He could not be held responsible for his actions.

He just needed some time on his own, to...process everything.

Back with the small group gathered outside the Depressing Room, as Tony had dubbed it, Bruce was giving Tony a 'look.'

"You didn't expect that, really?" He quietly took up the subject, head down but his hard gaze fixed intently on Stark. "She was, what? Ninety-something? It should've been shock enough when they found him alive in the ice, but to actually see him, hear him, touch him? ..." Bruce sighed and turned away, crossing his arms over his chest and letting the thought hang in the air. He hadn't been so surprised, honestly, and had kind of been against this idea to begin with. It almost felt like betraying their Captain, but Tony's arguments had convinced him to keep quiet for the time being. Now he was sort of wishing he'd at least hinted a warning to the guy in some way.

"Guys..." Natasha quietly cut in, but was promptly ignored.

"She was _waiting_ for him. She'd been clinging, whether or not she'd admit it, to that infinitesimal probability that the serum would keep him alive, somehow, throughout the crash and everything after. She'd never given up on him over the years, so I wasn't about to let him give up without even trying - you wanna know how I know all this? Because she would call my dad once a year, every year, for any news regarding the search." The group fell silent as they observed an increasingly emotional yet equally dogmatic Tony as he spoke and pointed a finger at Bruce.

"She," he paused, and his jaw jumped. His eyes held such an intense look that no one dared interrupt, even though Natasha was continuously frowning and glancing to the side. "...she told me once, that she'd not gotten to really say goodbye. And as long as his body remained undiscovered, she was gonna cling to the hope that someday, she would." Tony paused, sighing as he closed his eyes and raised a hand to rub at his brow. "If I could help it, I wasn't gonna let either one of them go without getting a final word in...and I could, so I have." He gave a small shuddering sigh, looking over the small group. "She got what she wanted, and I think, given time, Cap'll realize the same." Then, his eyes fell upon a certain gray-blue pair, intently fixed on his own with a very raw and deep pain brought so close to the surface it was impossible to ignore.

... Er, he had not realized that the door to the Depressing Room was still open and then there was the fact that they'd been not been standing far enough away for the super solider's hearing to not have caught every word they'd just spoken.

Oh, crickey.

Natasha smacked a hand to her forehead and shook her head, sighing silently. This had no doubt been why she'd been trying to get their attention earlier. Steve continued staring at Tony for several more moments, saying nothing and not moving at all. _'Is he even breathing?'_ Tony began to wonder as he uneasily returned the soldier's stare. Tony eventually found the floor by the door's threshold rather interesting; it was eerie how the guy didn't even blink... He was not ashamed over anything he'd said, though, and would not say sorry. Heck, Golden Boy had probably needed to hear it, too. Just maybe not so soon, exactly...and in that way...and from him.

Abruptly, Rogers surged to his feet and approached them. Tony tensed, prepared for the swing he knew would be coming. Indeed, Steve stepped right up to him. And then, nothing happened. When the pause continued to stretch on, Tony scrunched up his nose, and, swallowing his pride, he lifted his head to meet Cap's gaze square on.

In the blue gaze that was now burning into him he'd expected to see anger, shock, hatred, disgust even. That didn't cover half of what he actually saw behind the other man's gaze (not that he would've cared enough to notice at all, it was just that evident). There was a myriad of emotions warring for dominance behind those eyes, but the one that stuck out the most? The look of a broken man - Rogers had it down to art.

What was even more shocking to Tony? The words that next came out of Steve's mouth.

"Thank you." Rogers nodded his head slightly, stood there another moment until Tony silently returned the nod, and then Steve turned and disappeared down the hall. Another moment of silence hung over the group, at the tail end of which Stark lifted his arms and gave his body a glance-over. To distract him from the present feeling of being punched in the gut, he would do anything. Comic relief was always nice.

"Well...I'm not dead." Tony said, with a pointed glance to Clint.

"Too many witnesses." Clint scoffed right back, shaking his head. Bruce snorted and lowered his head, breathing a little easier.

-Line-Here-Yup-

It had been a week since The Incident. They had stayed in the UK until after the funeral, at which time Steve had actually been the one to suggest that they return home. Tony had made sure he meant _all_ of them, then said it was a good idea and promptly declared it as his own while putting it into action.

To no one's surprise, Steve had chosen to stay on the helicarrier for a little while longer, by himself. Tony had allowed him his space for about three full days, after which time he was pulled out of his lab by Pepper and forced into a shower and to eat actual food. Now, today he had decided enough was enough and it was time to collect their Captain and it wasn't just because he hated to thought of him being at SHIELD's disposal. Well, not fully anyway.

Part of the reason he'd retreated to the lab was because of all the doom and gloom feeling on the upper floors. Hardly anyone was speaking to anyone else, which in the case of Nat and Clint wasn't so usual (they had some sort of non-verbal language thing they used to communicate, anyway) ... and really, it wasn't too unusual for Bruce either. The feeling that pervaded was heavier than usual, though, and they'd be reminded all the more so why this was because of Steve's absence from the Tower.

Thor was also still absent, which by rule usually made the whole planet a little more quiet.

Tony had informed Jarvis he was going for a drive, and then left. He wouldn't even play at pretending it was mere coincidence that led him in the direction he knew the helicarrier to still be parked at. It was still under going repairs and so was docked on the water at a local (secret-ish) harbor.

Tony arrived, and after a moment, found Steve standing at the very end of one of the farther out piers. His stance was rigid, legs spread apart and arms folded over his chest, gaze unmoving as his attentions were turned out over the choppy waves before them as Tony approached. Or so Tony had thought.

"You didn't get to say goodbye to them, did you?" Steve suddenly questioned, without turning. Tony frowned; how had Steve known it was him, and not-? Oh right, super soldier. Then the words registered. He didn't have to be a genius to know Steve had been talking about Tony's own parents.

Tony stopped, glanced at Steve, then continued forward until he was just even with the other man's right shoulder. Glancing down at the wooden pier, Tony shrugged one shoulder, swallowing noticeably "Doesn't really change the end result, does it?" he asked, turning his gaze to the side and down to the churning waters below them.

Steve shook his head in agreement, "Doesn't help with the pain so much, either." he sighed.

Tony laughed softly, though it was really more like an exhale of air.

"No, don't imagine it would." He agreed quietly.

Steve sighed again, letting loose the breath through his nose this time as he looked down rather suddenly and his shoulders sagged forward. For a moment, Tony almost thought he might jump, which would have been a ridiculous way to kill himself unless he planned on swallowing a lot of water, and Tony _really did not_ want to go in after him, probably wouldn't have really, but then he was saved from this line of thought anyway as Steve turned to look at him.

"You draw the short straw?" Steve asked, giving Tony a somewhat small and perhaps even slightly amused smile. Or tried to, but it looked very tired indeed.

"No, Fury's sick of seeing your depressing hide moping around here so much. I was sent to collect you." Tony told him, inclining his head as he returned Steve's stare, giving nothing away.

Tony would never have admitted to his asking Jarvis to inform him of Steve's movements, trace his phone calls and whatnot. Nor the fact that once Steve set foot within sight of the Tower Jarvis was to immediately inform him. No, he would have never admitted to any of that, because it'd never happened. No matter what Jarvis might say. Steve continued to stare at Tony a moment, his amusement, such as it was, now completely gone.

"Fine." Steve responded in a borderline harsh tone, and turned to head back towards base to gather his things. He'd almost sounded...hurt? Completely closed off again. Oh, geez. This was one of those situations where Tony was supposed to offer some sort of olive leaf branch type thing, wasn't he?

"And..." he started, loudly at first to catch attention as Steve made to brush pass, and it did cause the other man to pause. "I think...we all kind of missed you. It's quieter, with you and Thor gone." Tony finally confessed, glancing up without moving his head to see how Rogers might respond to that, and also to perhaps let him see Tony was being as sincere as possible. It seemed to have worked, because that small smile had returned to Steve's face. "Also, it's movie night, and you really can't afford to miss out on this one." Tony went on to add, finally lifting his head.

"Wouldn't dream of it," Steve responded, nodding his head. It meant a lot to him, more than he'd ever be able to say, to know that he was of some sort of value to his team - for more than just tactical advice. "Just let me get my things-"

"Already have someone on that," Tony spoke up as they walked along the pier, stuffing his hands into his pockets. Steve frowned at him, pausing to raise an eyebrow, so Tony went on, "But, uh, might be good to, y'know, look it over and make sure they got everything." Tony hastily added, which somehow almost seemed to have made Steve chuckle. They stopped again at the end of the pier, and now Steve turned to Tony and placed his hand on Tony's shoulder.

"Thank you, for...everything. Really." Steve smiled gratefully at him and squeezed his shoulder, communicating through his eyes and body language that he wasn't sure if he could've done it himself, at least not in time. And he was honestly thankful for that. Even if it'd been one heck of a punch to the gut he'd really never ever want to repeat again. Tony nodded, but then shrugged his hand off.

"Don't mention it, seriously." Tony said, and, to try and lighten the mood, added as they started off again, "So, I hear she has a niece..." Well. Tony was still Tony, previous emotional bonding or not. Steve frowned, hiding it by an uneasy laugh as he ducked his head, and then gave Tony a playful shove. At least they were off the pier now and onto dry ground, so Tony had thankfully not fallen into the water when he'd been shoved by the super soldier.


End file.
